questions without answers.

the coffee shop downtown was completely full yesterday.

and the decor was terrible. there were purple drapes hanging from the windows, and jesters and geishas painted on the walls. not in a beautiful sort of fashion either. i can picture in my head what it could have looked like if done well. but it wasn't. it was a poor display for my eyes.

the minute i started to write the sun had just hit the buildings. I could see the name Louis Riel in front of me, letters shining. we had just bought music, three albums each, and it was snowing outside. the brown sugar packets in front of me were from Vancouver, and part of me wished i was there, just for a moment.

I was up late the other night. six a.m. i think. the whole next day was spent wasted. well, that's not entirely true. any day that has in it a moment of good conversation can never be said to be wasted.

in a moment of clarity, i tried, in that coffee shop, to figure out the distiction between good conversation, and chemistry.

these concepts, when tied together in my mind, are problematic in so many ways. my only response is that i often feel like people are making intellectual gain from my struggles. as if i present a problem that i can't figure out, or ask a question that i find to be worth asking, but instead of finding an answer for myself, they find an answer.

that answer is sometimes shared, sometimes not.

i wish that i could find within myself answers, instead of filling pages with more questions.


Blogger the tapered pant said...

at this point I refer back to a page of truth included in your journal. Questions make you great. The questions are the answers.

January 09, 2006 6:34 p.m.  
Blogger Sweet Caroline said...

this is beautiful. because it is true. it seems that most of the time we answer questions, it's just self-gratifying blather that makes us feel smart.... i agree with the tapered pant.

January 09, 2006 11:03 p.m.  
Blogger hoardingsanity said...

i as well concur with the one whose pants are tapered. questions are answers, or are at least productive way of finding answers.

you need not keep asking why you're asking.

January 10, 2006 12:32 a.m.  
Blogger hoardingsanity said...

hmmm.... that sounded a liiiiittle too pretentious and yoda-like...

uhm, k, you're just a smart cookie and i think you might be a bit too self concious of your own brain and its capabilities.

this isn't entirely a bad thing because you're always in a spot to reform or change what you're thinking.

saying that, you can't always be concerned with what is meaningful or not. i don't see much of a distinction.

besides, a good sign that you're doing alright is that people around you seem to understand things, even when clearly you do not. i say this from first-hand experience. half the time with philosophy/ideas in general you are only holding on to the ride with one hand and you are rarely ever looking up to what's going on around you. my point is, that you still miraculously seem to accomplish things (if not with yourself than with other people) in this intellectual paralysis.

January 10, 2006 8:25 a.m.  

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