this is dinner.
I've been making up songs lately. they're not very good. this is probably due to them being stream of consciousness and not very well planned, but i don't think it even matters, because i do it mostly to make Johannes laugh. he almost always does. i like this part of him.
today i got reamed out while i was at work by the principle of a high school in the area in which i live. i took his order wrong and he made me cry.
my eyes got so red that i had to go outside and let the wind take away some of my body temperature. it wasn't a good day. but it's okay, because many reassuring words were spoken to me, plus, my dinner was steaming and ready when i got home from my long day.
(another part of Johannes that i like, he takes care of me. good care, too.)

another thing worth noting is this: i realize that I've changed.

i'm much less serious than i used to be. i like to laugh more now. i LOVE making people laugh, mostly Johannes though, because then he thinks i'm funny AND cute.
These days, i feel better about myself i think. i'm not so concerned with being mysterious, which was my insecurity speaking.
also, i listen to Peter Gabriel with much love in my heart for him.

and, finally, I don't worry about being so 'deep' and 'cool' anymore (well, not ALL the time), i'd rather just be nice.

pour example: this is me.....

but so is this.


I'm looking for an old camera.
yes, i used to want only the best kind of digital camera with as many unique lenses as possible.
this of course, is for the purpose of shooting crisp, sharp beautiful photos.
(by the way, i know nothing about photography).

now what I want is somehing old. something that can give me the look of an old photograph.
Darkened edges, only focused in the centre, bright, obtuse colors.
This is what the Russian made Lomo offers.

My desire has birthed from looking into Lomography online.
What I found (through blueandbrownbooks - photo credit) is this:

The 10 Golden Rules of Lomography:

1. Take your Lomo everywhere
2. Use it Day or Night
3. It's Part of your Life
4. Shoot from the Hip
5. Get as Close as Possible
6. Don't Think
7. Be Fast
8. Don't try to Control it
9. Be Suprised
10. Ignore all these Rules

I suppose it's the philosophy I like.
"When you buy a Lomo, you're not buying a camera, you're buying a lifelong membership into the Lomographic Society, and this is your tool of membership. When you die, you have to give it back."
The other day i was walking down Cook Street into the village where i work, and there was a brown cardboard box with the word "FREE" written on it with a black felt pen, in all capital letters...
i promptly crossed the street through the traffic (Johannes always hates it when I do such things) to get to this box, stuffed full of could-be treasures.

when I got to it, i saw that there were many things to be had, most, not so good. not worth crossing the street so dangerously for, anyway.
in the box were computer keyboards, an old mixing bowl, kids toys, and many, many celebrity biographies...from John Lennon to Barry Manilow. needless to say, i left those items in their rightful boxes. i found two items however, both which reminded me of you. one, was a yellow-ocre colored camera bag, broken zipper and strap aside, a great find. it's one of those old leather ones, rectangular in shape. i've been using it for my camera amongst other items people carry around, wallets, sunglasses, scarves, cigarettes. i like it.
next, i saw a book entitled "everything you need to know about Japan". i thought of you, as a new resident of Japan, and i thought to myself, how could this one book possibly tell a resident all they need to know? a book could never tell you all the great little alleyways to smoke in, or restaurants to chat with the owners in, or the videostore to find your favorite movie on vhs, with all the scratches and tracking problems that make for a classic memory?

i hope all is well for you in that new home of yours. i think of you in these little creative moments my mind sometimes conjurs up for me.