..... . .. . ............ . .. ................... . . .. ............. . .. . ........ .. ..
i suppose i expected it to be effortless.
expectation vs. hope. like we talked about.

a windy night spent on the pier adorned me with a fierce cold and a parking ticket.
and an inability to drive to Seattle to see Lichtenstein and a good friend.





i haven't smoked in a few days.
my throat has become raw from inhaling too deeply.
but i can't help it.
it's not sufficient to just keep it in my mouth.

appreciation has become a catchphrase around here lately.
it seems so unnatural to think about life as a list of benefits and pitfalls. a chart to climb.

tonight as i passed the street lights,
the mirrors lying beside me on the cushioned seat were shining on the ceiling.
ambiance even in the car.
unexpectedly.

i worry about intention.
and about decency and poise.

"Sometimes we have to be judged by our one-offs."
- Nick Hornby
..... . .. . ............ . .. ................... . . .. ............. . ..

This post needs to be read.
by everybody.
It kiiiiiiiind of made me want to give up my blogging career.
as i will never achieve such depth of thought and richness of character.

as i have learned in this passing year, everything you've ever needed or wanted to hear is all up there in that beautiful head of hers.

kid. i love you. and your hair.

It was dusk
as I touched the ground in Saskatoon.
An unplanned visit made me realize that the world prides itself in furthering stereotypes.





(gustav klimt)

This time I didn't pray for rain.
but I can now smell it in the pavement.
I must be home.
a bookshelf full of my own possessions.
drawers full of old clothes.
sleeping off the ground.
feet hitting carpet as I wake.
the green walls.
a room with a known past.
and the telephone ringing.

I can remember a slight touch of the back.
and lights in the distance.
anxiety.
The same song now as then.

.... ... .. . .. ...put your hands on the wheel... .
let the golden age begin... .. ............. . ..

I was thinking today about the way romance is portrayed in the media.

Road trips to all the greatest locations and with the most fantastic soundtracks... depression that is somehow healed through a lover's words... a fantastic sort of idealized youth that is characterized by wealth and beauty...
Does all of this give us a false sense of hope of what could be?

Of what really exists?

Does love really take these perfect forms...
In reality, do the long time lovers always end up together in the end, like they do in film and song?

Perhaps disappointment comes in the fact that I have no face to put in my own situation, no long time love to dream of...instead, I have a more abstract notion of that perfect love.

And I'm stubborn and unwilling to give up the idea up that it does exist, somehow, in some way.

this ideal love.

Even as it is silent...
the park outside is flooded from the downpour, and the apartment smells of stale cigarettes and dried limes.

why is the world beautiful?
and how are the things of the world to be enjoyed?

Do you see the resemblance?

(my mother)
I realize, it might be a bit generous to compare my mom to the likes of Doris Day and Marilyn Monroe,
but I think she's a beautiful lady.
And if you watch the classic 1959 Doris Day film "Pillowtalk" with my mother in mind, you will see that the resemblance is mystifying.

"It's like the mist is what's pretty you know? All the gold and silver.
Too bad it can't stay like that all the time."

"Nothing gold can stay."

- the outsiders. 1983.

Sadly, Winnipeg will not be my home for the summer.
It's back to Abbotsford for me as of mid-April.
The better part of May will be spent in Europe,
where i will be driving with my father to the likes of Amsterdam, Bergen, Bonn, Drammen, Dusseldorf, Frankfurt, Holsbybrunn, Kristiansand, and Oslo.

In other news, I wanted to officially announce the beauty that is waiting for me when i get home.
(This is what happens when you live surrounded by a father, brothers, and brothers friends, all of who are fascinated with cars.
A love of them yourself.)

The car I've been waiting for my whole life. I'm pretty sure that even if I had something like a million dollars to spend on a car, I'd make sure I had a 1981 Volvo.
He's a beauty,
and his name is Sherman.

too many music posts lately?
Sorry, but I'm not sorry.

a question posed to me recently by my roommate:
"can you think of a song in which there's a seemingly insignificant little piece, like a small lyric or guitar movement or something, that literally makes the song for you? As in, you probably wouldn't care about the song if it weren't for that little moment."

here was my answer:
"i once was lost but now I'm found, was blind, but now i see"














'Metal Heart' by Cat Power, has a moment, right near the middle of the song where it comes to a very subtle climax, but it just makes the song for me. It's definitely worth a listen.

Any songs come to mind?

In the words of George:













"The Flaming Lips are not only a fantastic band, but versatile: they are perfect for listening to at two in the afternoon while sitting in the park, or at two in the morning when you are having trouble sleeping."

With school coming to a close and music on my mind:
Here are some of the concerts that will be making there way to Vancouver this summer.

Matthew Good Solo Acoustic
April 20/21 - Vancouver East Cultural Centre ($29.50)
Yeah Yeah Yeahs April 27 -
The Orpheum ($32.50)
Death Cab for Cutie/Franz Ferdinand April 28 - Pacific Coliseum ($35-45)
Sigur Ros May 3 - Benaroya Hall - Seattle ($35 US dollars)
Jeff Martin (of the Tea Party) May 6 - Commodore Ballroom ($26.50)
The Strokes May 17 - Plaza of Nations ($37.50)
Cowboy Junkies May 18 - River Rock Show Theatre ($37.50)
Mogwai May 24 - Commodore Ballroom ($24)
The New Amsterdams May 24 - Richards on Richards ($12)
Constantines May 25 - Richards on Richards ($17.50)
Ben Harper May 28 - Deer Lake Park ($45)
Xavier Rudd June 2 - Malkin Bowl ($29.50)
Vancouver Jazz Festival June 23-July 2 - Centre for Performing Arts
Vancouver Folk Festival July 14 - 16 - Jericho Beach Park
(Day Pass $60 Weekend Pass $100)

and...the highlight of all festival concerts...
Coachella Music Festival
in Indio, California
April 29th and 30th
(Day Pass $85 Two Day Pass $165 US dollars)

Including : Massive Attack, Madonna, Mogwai, Wolf Parade, The Dears, Daft Punk, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Sigur Ros, Metric, Cat Power, Franz Ferdinand, Damien Marley, TV on the Radio, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Animal Collective, Imogen Heap, and My Morning Jacket.

The reality of it is...
I can't attend 90% of these shows.
And no, I don't want to talk about it.

i'm beginning to see a bit of a pattern here:
ridiculous amounts of people in fantastic bands.

the hidden cameras


















broken social scene













stars

















arcade fire














belle orchestre











you say party! we say die!













and most notably, The Polyphonic Spree.


















These performances include combinations of any number of people,
with anywhere from five to fifteen people on stage at a time.
(as well as the sharing of band members for live shows and album recordings.)

we seem to have reached a musical revolution.

"music is my boyfriend"

• Breakdowns seem to happen more frequently this time of year.
• There is a putrid smell coming from the bottom floor.
• Stale cigarettes.
• (One of the good reasons not to smoke)
• The only people, unfamiliar to you, who greet you in a given day are the ones taking cans out of the garbage, the ones who quite possibly, have the least to smile about.
• Hearing the phone ring makes you realize the things you want and the things you don’t want the most.
• Interesting how the sound of ringing can be so poignant.

• Falling asleep on the couch is never a good thing.
• Waking up, realizing the night is half over, and you’ve slept uncomfortably the entire time. Not good.
• Drinking a bottle of wine by yourself, on the other hand, is.
• Procrastination…well, I’m an expert. Evidently.